


Growing Pains

by deirdre_the_elusive_neko



Category: Raya and the Last Dragon (2021)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Conversations, Basically Strangers to Lovers?, Canon compliant-ish, F/F, Gay Panic, Growth, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Namaari has trouble sleeping, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, So does Raya but for a different reason, They'll get there eventually ;), Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-27 09:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30120834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deirdre_the_elusive_neko/pseuds/deirdre_the_elusive_neko
Summary: Post-Druun, Kumandra is united but barely stitched together. Raya and Namaari embark on a journey to rebuild its five lands, but old scars don't heal fast, and the two women must reckon with their past in order to come to terms with themselves and each other.Focused on their character growth, and all the political stuff is just a hand-wavy backdrop.
Relationships: Namaari & Raya (Disney), Namaari/Raya (Disney)
Comments: 49
Kudos: 216





	1. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This is my attempt at exploring the feelings and emotions of our two favorite gay SEA warrior princesses after the movie, which I've thought about for everyday after its initial release...But hope you guys like it!
> 
> (Note: In this chapter, there is a brief description of a panic attack as a heads up for anyone who may be uncomfortable with that.)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

“In due time, General Atitaya, but perhaps now, rest.” 

“But Chief Virana. This is important. We cannot ignore a thr-”

“Rest.” The older woman’s voice was gentle but firm. “This can wait.”

General Atitaya frowned. She opened her mouth briefly before closing it once more, resigning herself to a sharp bow and a grimace. “Yes, Chief.”

Namaari watched the young general leave the meeting room in concise, albeit weighted, strides. She’d seen that gait a lot as of late. It had been a week since the Druun had been defeated, and Fang had come out worse for wear. Most civilian lives were spared from the Druun’s devastation but not all. And the damage to the city’s infrastructure, homes, and crops required long months of rebuilding and replanting to recover. So while a day of festivities was sorely needed, there was little time to waste. The people went to work. 

But now it was night. The grand, stately walls of the palace that ascended in sharp, white geometrical lines during the day, now looked a softer, dark blue. Her mother’s dignified figure, illuminated by the lantern lights, casted a shadow on the back walls. Chief Virana was still. There was a tiredness there too. 

Namaari finally spoke. “Mother. General Atitaya...what was she talking about?”

“Namaari,” Her mother said, turning around. “It’s nothing you should be concerned about, dear.”

“But if it’s important-” Namaari began with concern. 

“Namaari.” There was a retiring finality in her tone. Chief Virana’s mouth straightened into a weary smile. There were more lines around her eyes than Namaari remembered. Whether they formed over the past six years or this past week, she wasn’t sure anymore.

“Now, have you given yesterday’s discussion some thought?”

“Yes,” Namaari said, setting her jaw and looking down. 

That feeling. A rumbling mixture of dread, anxiety, and shame bubbling its way into her heart. She clenched her fists as if to steel herself. “I...want to do what’s right. For the people, and for Fang.” She paused. “I think we owe it to them, Mother. To Kumandra.” A familiar pang of guilt. Namaari swallowed it down and looked up at her mother. “I’ll be Fang’s emissary. To help rebuild what we broke.” _What I broke_ , her mind added.

Virana dipped her chin. “You have grown, Morning Mist,” she began, gently placing her hand onto her daughter’s cheek. The touch was searing. A praise undeserved. Namaari recoiled slightly. “You have grown into the leader I should’ve been,” her mother continued. She turned towards the expanse of night sky. “But time waits for no one. Sometimes we learn our lessons far later than we should.”  
  
Namaari followed her gaze. Thousands of stars twinkling in the night sky, peeking out from sparse clouds drifting lazily by. Just as they had been the day before. As if a plague had never touched the earth beneath it.

Namaari felt her mother rest a hand on her shoulder. “It’s getting late, dear. General Atitaya will be checking up on you later tonight to make sure you’re all packed for tomorrow.”

A nod. “Good night, _Mae_.”

“Good night.”

With the footsteps of her mother fading into the distance, Namaari started toward her bedroom, past the guards’ room and up eight flights of stairs. Physically, the stairs were not challenging for her, but lately, Namaari found herself avoiding the room as much as possible. The room was grand, airy, and open, and yet felt simultaneously constricting, empty, and crowded with her own thoughts.

And so today, like the past 6 nights, she found herself sitting at the edge of her bed. Rewinding and revisiting memories. Watching Sisu fall into the water. Watching the disbelief, betrayal, and anger in everyone’s eyes. Watching distrust turn into heartbreaking vulnerability as Noi, Boun, and Tong entrusted her with their lives when they had no reason to. Watching the world break into pieces and people crumble into broken stone. And then...her eyes.

Those eyes.

Filled with anger, vengeance, and mistrust. And when she deserved it the least, faith.

If Namaari ever felt like an imposter, it was now. Under her gaze. Every night since. 

It was easier when it was anger. Understandable when it was vilifying. Namaari could fend off hate that came from the outside. But what could she do now that it came from within?

A knock. Namaari jerked her head upwards toward the door.

“Princess Namaari?” The voice said. General Atitaya. 

“Ah, right. Come in, General.”

The young woman opened the door and stepped in off to the side. “Just checking to make sure you’re all set for the journey to Heart tomorrow.”

Namaari nodded once in affirmation. “Yes, thank you General. How are the preparations?”

“We have arranged transportation for all Fang civilians to Heart and back. As for the gifts for the feast, the remaining chilis we could find are loaded on the boats set for tomorrow.”

“That’s good.” Namaari paused before awkwardly adding, “Thank you...for your hard work, General. You’ve been really...well...helpful.” She mustered a small smile and fidgeted with her hands. Compliments still felt awkward rolling off the tongue. 

Atitaya cleared her throat and adjusted her arm guards. Namaari couldn’t tell if it was the light or if the General’s face had developed a pink tinge to it. Perhaps the other woman wasn’t used to it either.

“It’s nothing, your Highness.” The young woman snapped to attention as if remembering something. “Your mother wanted me to give you this.” She pulled out a small, flat green bottle, and gave it to Namaari with her two hands. Namaari gave her a questioning look.

“Ointment. It’s a new import from Talon,” Atitaya explained. “A new shipment just came in for Fang and the people have been using it. They say it helps with aches and pains.”

Namaari opened the bottle and smelled it. Eucalyptus? She shrugged and then winced, grabbing her shoulder. All week she had been either carrying broken pieces of stone to bury or working on the construction of the bridge connecting Fang to the mainland. Consumed by her own thoughts, she had forgotten about how sore her body felt. 

When they finished saying their good nights, Namaari returned to her bed and dabbed the bottle onto her shoulder. The ointment began to tingle and she felt her body relax a bit. Or maybe it was wishful thinking. A nice, simple solution to numb the pain. 

Whatever it was, it was welcome.

She closed her eyes. Most days she stayed up until sleep could not wait, staving off any dreams that would come and preoccupying her mind with what was. But when sleep finally came that night, she found herself thinking about the night sky, and daringly, if the princess of Heart had too, seen the stars.

* * *

The boat rides from Fang to Heart were scheduled for early in the morning. Fang was set to arrive first. Then Tail, Talon and Spine. If everyone was due in the afternoon before the feast, they needed ample time to arrive accordingly without clogging up the waterways.

Being first to arrive was good, Namaari and her mother agreed. Considering Fang’s standing and reputation with the majority of Kumandra, they needed a head start on building relations with Heart before branching out to the other lands. 

“We have to move quickly,” Virana said, eyes fixed on the horizon. “I suspect the other lands won’t give us much time to establish good standing.” Her smile is more of a straight line than a smile, taut with stress and unspoken worry. The elegance her mother usually possessed was replaced by rigidity, though outwardly, one could mistake it for her usual austerity. She turned to Namaari and frowned. “Are you feeling alright, dear? You’ve been quiet the whole ride.”

“Namaari?”

At the sound of her name, Namaari shook her head, dispelling her thoughts, and turned to her mother. “Sorry, Mother. I’ve just been...lost in thought. That’s all.”

Chief Virana gave a small smile and gently placed a hand on her daughter’s back. “We’re due in Heart soon, Morning Mist.” Namaari jerked her head and looked around at the dense foliage lining the river. Had they been travelling for that long already?

“Right.” She grimaced. Namaari thought of the looming landmark waiting ahead. Watching.

The Eye. 

The place she had dreamed of seeing when she was a child. She had read so much about dragons. She’d sneak into Fang’s scroll room, borrow a few, and dash off into her room to read through the night and sometimes, even early morning. Stories of them bringing prosperous rain, creating entire rivers, and protecting the lands. She knew almost every single one by heart. But there was one story that captured her imagination and left her in awe more than any other. The last gem. Resting in that rock. She would’ve given anything to see it.

And when she finally did, she left it in ruin. 

Namaari closed her eyes. 

Trust flickering into disbelief into anger. The fortress crumbling onto itself. Triumph immediately replaced by fear and confusion. The earth shaking beneath their feet.

 _It wasn’t supposed to be like this._ Black and purple tendrils lashed wildly out, just like in the scrolls. _It wasn’t supposed to be like this_ . She watched in horror. A man turned into stone. _Not like this._ Her mother grabbed her hand. They started to run. _Not like this._ Screams, everywhere. Broken stone at her feet. _Not like this._ She turned back once. Past the bridge. The place she had dreamt of now consumed in darkness. _Please._

“Ten minutes til we dock at Heart!” yelled the boat captain.

Namaari felt her pulse quicken, and she squeezed her eyes even harder. It was hard to breathe. She sat down. A thousand red hot ants pricked at her skin from her head and down her arms and back. Her skull felt like it was compressing and decompressing at the same time.

“Namaari.” Her mother’s face came into view. “Dear…” Concern was etched into her features. 

Namaari felt woozy. She closed her eyes once more and let out a breath through her nose. “Sorry, Mother.”

“Are you alright?” Her mother placed the back of her hand on her forehead.  
  
“Yes.” Namaari replied, gently swatting the hand down. She gave what must have been an unconvincing small smile. “Boat sickness.”

Virana raised an elegant brow. “Walk with me.” The guards made way, and they traversed to the front of the boat. 

They were quiet for a moment, the sounds of water, light chatter, and the gentle knocking of wooden boats settled in their ears. 

“There are many things I wish I could undo,” her mother began. Namaari peered at her mother. “The pain my decisions have caused to our people, Kumandra, and you.” 

Now, it was Virana’s turn to close her eyes, the graceful, austere mask cracking for just a moment.

“To see suffering for so long...I wanted a miracle. A simple solution to everything.” Her mouth twisted into a dampened line. She let out a breath and a short, tired laugh. “Perhaps in my haste, I had forgotten everyone else, and in doing so, jeopardized our people.”

Namaari stared at her hands resting on the boat’s edge. She felt a familiar wisp of anger taking form and spreading throughout her limbs. Next to all the other emotions. She shook her head. _No._ The blame couldn’t be singularly placed upon her mother.

Her mother placed a hand on her face. “I’m afraid some things don’t have quick answers or remedies. Even against my better judgment now, how I wish it were so.” Namaari didn’t meet her mother’s eyes. “Namaari, if there is one thing I want to ask of you again, it’s-”

At those words, Namaari was immediately taken back to six years ago on the same journey to Heart. She tensed and shook her head once, not wanting to hear the rest. “Please, Mother. Don’t.”

“Namaari-”

“Excuse me, your Majesty.” A palace guard bowed. “I am very sorry to interrupt, but it seems like we are entering the docks.”

Chief Virana gave her a nod. “Thank you, Aranya.” She turned to Namaari and rested a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll continue this later, Morning Mist.” Namaari gave a half-hearted nod. She noticed the red hot coils simmering beneath her skin alongside disbelief and confusion.

Those emotions were immediately doused when she saw the docks inching closer ahead. A heavy weight anchored itself into her stomach. She swallowed. A man in blue garb waved them over, directing them toward a place to dock their boats. Namaari couldn’t feel her limbs moving, but at some point, she felt dry land beneath her feet. 

The man bowed and placed his fingers together in greeting. 

“People of Fang, we welcome you back to the land of Heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some angsty Namaari wrestling with her demons for y'all. With a tinyyy dash of reprieve. I rewrote the ending a bit so that it was a bit less Disney-like where they all magically come together literally right after with no notice for poor ol' Benja.
> 
> Also, I have about 3 of the 7 chapters written out already, so I'm hoping to continue writing and post every Thursday and Monday o.o. 
> 
> Stay safe, everyone!
> 
> Side note: Who knows what ointment I'm talking about?


	2. Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raya tries not to be a Debbie Downer at a party, and Namaari can't help but be a Debby Ryan.
> 
> The feast in Raya's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this lighter chapter to offset the angst <3

Raya was awake.

Well to be precise, she had been awake for the past seven hours really. But as she dodged and weaved through the villagers carrying food, embracing their loved ones, and laughing — that tinkling sound filled her ears with such golden levity she could cry — she couldn’t describe how she felt other than _awake_.

“ _Ba!_ ” She grinned, spotting her father in the middle terrace of the palace. She waved as she continued running, ducking under a tray of green mangos. 

Chief Benja turned and broke into a smile, eyes full of life. Just like in her dreams. Sometimes Raya was convinced she was in one.

“Dewdrop,” her father said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and mussing up her hair slightly. “You’re in a rush.”

Raya swatted his hand away from her hair in mock annoyance. “Hey, I have to keep this presentable for the feast.” She motioned to her hair. 

Her father raised his brows in amusement. “Ahh, I see. Though something tells me if you had really cared about that, you wouldn’t have jumped, slid, and ran all the way here.” 

“What can I say, _Ba_? _Some_ habits had to stay.”

Chief Benja shook his head and laughed. “So what had you in such a hurry?” They started to walk out of the grounds and into the kitchen where the cooks were doing an impressive job preparing a feast with the limited food they had. Although...she peered into the pots of tom yum and took a whiff. That seemed safe. 

“May I?” She asked the woman manning the braised pork stew. The woman handed her the ladle, and Raya scooped some brown broth and poured it slowly back in. Nothing seemed off there, but she couldn’t be _too_ careful... 

Her father cleared his throat, watching her with a bemused look on his face. 

“Right! Sorry,” she added sheepishly, remembering the news she had for him. “Again, another habit.” 

He raised his brows. “This one, I have to admit, I don’t remember _quite_ as well,” he joked, although Raya could hear the weighted concern for her. “Raya, maybe-”

“It’s Fang,” she quickly interjected, not wanting to address what came next. Her father frowned. She wasn’t exactly used to his worrying over her — or anybody’s for that matter. “They’ve arrived early.”

Chief Benja lifted his head in anticipation. “Then we should be on our way to greet them.” He turned to Raya and placed a hand on her shoulder. “But we’re talking about this later.” 

“I’m fine, _Ba_ , really,” she replied, waving her hand. Though he let it slide, her father looked unconvinced.

They reached the top of the stairs and Raya offered her arm as assistance. Her father took it and they slowly descended the steps one at a time. Raya would go first and _Ba_ after, leading with his strongest foot. For a moment, as they concentrated on getting down the staircase, it was quiet. When they reached the end, the two gazed passed the archways and to the bridge ahead. Chief Benja took a deep breath and gave her a nod. The two walked out into the open.

The sky was brilliant, and the sun had an early warmness to it. The air was humid and thrumming with nervous energy — or maybe that was just her. But there was an undeniable _aliveness_ to it all that simultaneously excited and scared her. 

“Somehow, it feels like a dream,” her father breathed. “Like it was only yesterday.”

At his words, Raya felt a bittersweet tug on her heart. A faint smile spread across her face. “Yeah it does.” 

“Though, technically for you, it was kind of yesterday,” she joked. He shook his head once more and laughed. His eyes glistened.

“Six years, huh?”

“In an instant.” She pulled him closer and patted his hand. “Are you ready, _Ba_?” 

He nodded and patted her hand back. She could feel tears making their way to her eyes.

“Are you?”

She let out a breath. 

“As I’ll ever be.”

* * *

“And you should’ve seen us! Tong over there, baby Noi over there, and me. On Tuk Tuk.” Boun spread his arms dramatically, satay in hand. The other children sat around him enraptured. “We zipped through the plaza, picking up anyone we could find. The Druun was left. It was right. It was-”

“Alright, that’s enough, Boun.” Raya appeared behind the boy.

“Raya! It was getting to the good part,” Boun whined. At the sound of her name, a chorus of small gasps erupted from the little crowd. Unsure of what to do, she gave an awkward wave and smile, which elicited another chorus of gasps and awe. 

“Sorry to disturb this meeting guys, but,” she knelt down and put her hand up to her mouth. The kids leaned in. “I heard the black rice pudding is ready,” she whispered. The kids screamed and ran to the kitchen. 

She turned to Boun and ruffled his hair, which he protested immediately to.

“Hey!” He swatted at her hands. “I put coconut oil in there!”

“The other kids need to eat too, you know.” 

“Alright, alright,” he sighed. 

“So how’s it going?”

“It’s been _awesome._ Sisu and I took turns trying all the different hot sauces.” He snapped his fingers and pointed to himself. “And I won.”

“Won?” Raya quirked an eyebrow.

Boun scrunched his nose and shrugged. “Well, Sisu had to use the restroom really bad after we finished....like 30 minutes ago? Loser’s supposed to eat your jerky for dessert.”

Raya chuckled. “That bad, huh?”

“Pretty bad.” 

Raya snorted. “Well, I came to find you because your family is looking for you. Something about a mango eating competition?” 

“ _Toi!”_ His hands shot up to his head. “I forgot.” He gave her a wave before disappearing into the crowd.

Raya turned and scanned the throng of people in the main hall. Now where was he…

She squinted before catching a glimpse of his blue attire. There. She craned her neck a bit to get a better look. Her father was talking to Chief Dang Hai. Talking and alive. That was good. Raya nodded to herself once, reassured. 

She leaned back on the wall and hummed to herself. The sights and sounds of everyone from all over — talking, laughing, telling each other to eat, shouting at one another over games — everything, was overwhelming. It was a sensory overload that confined her between the exciting and anxiety-inducing nature of it all, and prevented her from fully immersing into either side. As a result, she was content to sit back and watch it all from afar. A compromise of sorts.

She caught sight of Tong, his family, and Noi’s family together across the room. He was playing with his baby and Noi, a ridiculously wide grin on his face. When he looked up and saw her, he waved and held up the two kids. She waved back. 

In Tong’s moment of distraction, baby Noi swiped two jackfruits off somebody’s plate. Raya raised her eyebrow the moment she and baby Noi made eye contact. 

She squinted. _I saw that._

Noi gave her an innocent look as she continued to bite into the fruit. Raya rolled her eyes and shook her head. 

She sought out _Ba_ once more and glassed over the crowd. He was now talking to the new Tail chief. Breathing and alive. Good. She settled back into the wall.

_“Relax”, Sisu had told her the night before while scoring a rambutan fruit with her claw. “No one’s going to try to poison the saviors of Kumandra.” She popped it in her mouth and started chewing, pit and all. “That breaks like, the rules of storytelling or something.” Sisu held up another piece of fruit, which Raya accepted absentmindedly._

_“But what_ **_if_ ** _? I mean, you never know.” Raya dug her nails into the shell and began to pull apart the fruit, her mind elsewhere as her hands began to work._

_Sisu gave her a look. “Raya, I know you get tired of me saying this. But trust-”_

_“You. I know.”_

_Sisu patted her with her tail. “Try having some fun! Get into the music, dance, eat.”_

_“Those sound like distractions,” Raya replied, throwing the top half of the shell away._

_Sisu shrugged. “Don’t knock it till you try it.” Suddenly, her snout was in Raya’s face. “But seriously, eat. You don’t want to know what I look like when I’m angry.”_

_Raya pushed her snout away and chuckled, shaking her head. “Alright, fine. I won’t promise on the dancing though.” A pause._

_“What_ **_are_ ** _you like when you’re angry?”_

_“I don’t know,” Sisu shrugged. “I probably just swim faster or something.”_

Raya stared into the crowd and knocked her head back on the wall. _Right, fun. That’s a thing to do now, I guess._

She had to admit, the night had gone without incident. And seeing her friends with their families was something to be present for. Raya sighed. Maybe Sisu was right, and she could let loose a bit. Raya lowered her shoulders and started tapping her foot to the music. _This is nice,_ she thought. She tried bobbing her head to the rhythm slightly. _No, no. Too awkward. Too far._ She resumed tapping her foot without the head bob.

After a couple minutes, Raya got bored of the activity fairly quickly, and found her mind wandering off again. Maybe she’d go monitor— _talk_ to her father, but he had sent her away with instructions to “enjoy being her age” for the night, which would bring her back here. She _could_ watch Boun and his family eat mangos, but as she scanned the room, she found him passed out on his mother’s lap. Maybe she could monitor baby Noi? She grimaced. That sounded like an extra job. 

Raya tried thinking of the people she knew. Sisu was too hard to get a hold of at the moment, and Tong and his wife were preoccupied with their crying baby. Although _…_ Raya unconsciously perked up. There _was_ one person she hadn’t seen all night.

Raya found herself scanning the crowd once more, in search of her...acquaintance? Former friend? Former rival? Raya wasn’t entirely sure what they were, but there was no sign of the Fang Princess anywhere. She bit her lip. The thought made her strangely curious. 

She should check, right? Make sure Namaari wasn’t halfway up The Eye? She peeled herself off the wall and started to step through the crowd, ignoring the voice in her head questioning her root motive. 

She spotted Chief Virana talking to the chief of Spine but no Namaari. Next to her, stood a young female general who Raya recognized as an old pursuant from Namaari’s personal troop. The woman made eye contact, and Raya supposed she had stared for too long because the general, after a small pause, gave an awkward wave and shy smile. Raya mouthed “Hi” back and gave a small wave. She wasn’t sure how she looked, but the general uncharacteristically giggled and turned away, catching Raya by surprise.

 _Stupid. I must’ve looked stupid._ Raya thought to herself. _This is what six years of limited human interaction will do to you I suppose._

Shaking off the mild embarrassment, Raya continued her search. She had roamed the entire main hall and terrace, circled back to the main hall, checked on _Ba_ once for good measure, walked through the kitchen, and...nothing. Raya was about to give up when she caught sight of a familiar half-shaved head in the corner of the courtyard. _Aha_.

She wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing, but she found her legs picking up pace and moving on their own accord. Her heart quickened and her palms grew sweaty from apprehension. Before she knew it, she was steps away from the Fang Princess, who was unaware of her tracker in the busy midst. 

Namaari was alone. Raya found herself scanning the other woman up and down with her eyes to... size her up? _We’ll go with that_ , Raya convinced herself. Namaari had a light frown on her face, and though she was facing the crowd, her eyes weren’t registering their presence. 

Raya found herself hesitant. Now that she found Namaari, what was she going to do? She hadn’t thought _that_ far. And it wasn’t like the other woman was actually up to anything nefarious (though, Raya had to admit, she knew going in that that scenario was improbable).

 _This is really stupid,_ she berated herself. _Abort._ Her heart rate picked up and her eyes darted left and right, her stance frozen in mid-flight. She stood there for a good minute, paralyzed by indecision and panic. The people that passed her looked confused and concerned.

 _Come on,_ she urged her legs. _Abort mission._

“Heyyy, Raya!” Sisu appeared beside her. Raya whipped her head around, eyes wide. Sisu was in human form and gnawing on a shrimp spring roll. She took it out of her mouth. “Are you okay?” She peered at Raya closely, her eyes piercing into Raya’s own. “You didn’t _eat_ , did you?” She interrogated.

Raya opened her mouth but it just hung there. Sisu waited, staring straight back at her with wide, probing eyes. But no words came out of her mouth. Instead, Raya moved her eyes between the dragon-human and Namaari, and Sisu followed her gaze.

“Ohhh, I see.” She gave Raya a wink and nudge. “A little gutsy for you, don’t you think? And here I thought you’d fill your fun quota by tapping your feet to the music in the corner all night!” Raya swallowed.

“You just wait here. I’ll help,” Sisu said, patting Raya’s cheek with her sleeve. “Oh sorry, got some peanut sauce on you.” She took her other sleeve and attempted to wipe it off.

Raya swatted her hands away. “H-help?” It was Raya’s turn to be confused.

“Ah, right.” Sisu nodded sagely before turning toward Namaari’s direction. “I’ll be back.” She shuffled off and disappeared into the crowd.

Raya’s eyes widened as she realized what was about to happen. _Oh, crap._ “Wait!” She stumbled after her. 

“Excuse me. Pardon, ah - sorry. If I could just squeeze by.” Raya weaved her way through the people — had it always been this crowded? Raya saw a flash of purple hair slip through two people in front of her. Just a bit further.

“Got you!” She burst through the crowd and stretched out her hand to grab…

...Nothing. Raya’s mouth went dry.

Two centimeters away from her hand was Namaari’s stomach, and above that was the face of a very bewildered Namaari.

Raya’s face burned as she retracted her hand quickly and pretended to smooth her hair in one fluid motion. She cleared her throat.

“Heey, there…” She began, unsure of what to say. “Namaari.” She lifted her hand up and dropped it midway, knocking both of them on the sides of her legs instead. She mentally cringed at her lack of commitment.

“Hi.” Namaari looked surprised still and stood straight up. She tucked her hair back and glanced at Raya tentatively. “Were you looking for something or…?”

“No, no,” Raya lied, rocking on heels. “I just, you know.” She gestured around. “Great party.”

“Ah, right.” Namaari nodded, fidgeting with her hands. They both stood there quietly for a moment.

“Well, I - Good to see…” Raya started. _Where am I going with this?_ “-you’re doing well. Looking good...” Both their eyes widened.

“Healthy - you know. Healthy. Strong. Muscles.” They both continued nodding at each other, but neither could bring themselves to look at the other.

Raya didn’t know how to save this dumpster fire of a conversation. “Well, it was-”

“I’d rather not disturb-” Namaari began at the same time. They both immediately stopped talking.

Namaari cleared her throat, hesitantly pointing to her own mouth. “You have-”

“There you are!” Sisu shuffled up to them with two plates in her hand. She glanced at the two women. “Seems like you found her!”

Namaari slowly glanced at Raya with an indiscernible look on her face. 

“Well, funny story. I just, uh,” Raya laughed nervously. “You looked lost in thought, so I didn’t want to bother?”

Namaari nodded slowly. Raya liked it better when Namaari looked angry or annoyed. It was easier to figure out what she was thinking.

“Heya, Namaari!” Sisu handed the two women the plates. “I got you both some food!” 

Namaari looked puzzled. “Who are…”

Sisu raised a confused brow and repeated slowly, “Who am...”  
  
Namaari’s eyes widened. “Sisu...Sisu, y-you can shape change?” 

Sisu looked at her arms and legs and shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Just like the stories.” Raya heard Namaari whisper. “Y-you weren’t lying to me in Tail.” 

“Tail?”

“In the cave. When you got the gem,” Namaari continued softly. “You said you found her.”

“Right, well.” Raya raised her shoulders and gave a nervous smile. “Surprise?”

Raya saw a mixture of emotions flash across Namaari’s face. If she had blinked, she would have missed it. She couldn’t figure out what it was, but there was something there…

Namaari set down her plate and joined her hands together and bowed. “O, mighty Sisu-”

“Hey, hey.” Sisu placed a hand on hers and lowered them. She gave her a warm grin. “I think we’re past that now.” She patted her hands and added in a whisper, “We’ll work on it.”

Sisu then gestured to the plates. “Anyways, you guys must be starving. I got you guys a little of everything. Braised pork and eggs, rice, papaya salad, water spinach soup, sticky rice and mung bean cake-”

“Alright, alright.” Raya said and tentatively stared down at her full plate. She hadn’t eaten all night and her stomach was beginning to notice. Excitement was what she chalked it up to. But if she was being honest, she was probably too busy checking up on her father and watching for any suspicious activity to notice that she was incredibly hungry.

“Thanks, Sisu,” she said appreciatively. Sisu responded by pointedly looking at her and down to the food. Raya sighed and with a spoon, scooped up the soup, put it in her mouth and swallowed. When nothing happened, Sisu raised her eyebrows and broke into a wide grin. 

_See. No poison._

Namaari had also been staring at her plate, but her eyes were wide with disbelief. “Thank you...Sisu,” she managed.

“Oh, it’s no problem.” Sisu waved it off, her sleeves flopping in the air. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a swimming competition I have to go to.” By the time Raya looked up, half of Sisu’s body was already consumed by the crowd. “Wish me luck!” She yelled, before disappearing entirely. 

Raya smiled to herself. “I feel sorry for whoever she’s competing against.”

“Yeah,” Namaari breathed, and Raya turned to her in surprise. She still looked a bit starstruck. “I mean, she swims 20 times faster than our fastest human swimmer.” She paused. “Or at least, that’s just what I’ve read,” she added sheepishly.

Raya saw Namaari glance at her, which was encouraging. She felt a little jolt inside her chest. “Wait until you see the other stuff too.” Raya absentmindedly started shoveling down her food at the same time. “Like raim, miss, shaphshiffing, and-”

“Glowing?” Namaari finished for her. Raya gulped and nodded. “That must’ve been amazing,” Namaari added, knitting her brows together. “I just can’t believe it’s all-”

“True?” It was Raya’s turn to finish for her. Namaari nodded wordlessly. “I couldn’t either.” Raya started working on another egg. Why she was eating so fast, she didn’t know. But at least it gave her hands something to do.

Namaari tentatively shifted a bit to face her. “Which...one was your favorite?”

“Mine?” Raya said mid-chew. She wasn’t expecting that. She swallowed. “Probably the rain I’d have to say.”

“The rain?” 

“It felt...really nice,” Raya lamely offered. She started working on the bowl of soup.

A faint grin appeared on Namaari’s face, which Raya couldn’t help but return. “I see.”

Raya ignored the weird lightness in her chest. She looked down at Namaari’s untouched plate. “You should definitely eat before it gets cold.” She gestured to the food. “I mean I haven’t eaten rice in _forever_ , but that and the—”

Namaari shut her eyes for a moment and seemed to flinch. Raya’s eyes widened in realization at the unintentional reference to their conversation six years ago, when Namaari had said a similar thing. _Oh, crap._

She attempted to recover some ground. “Ah, no. Well, I-I didn’t mean it like _that_. I just-”

“It’s alright, really,” Namaari said. Her body was back to being rigid and tense. Alert. Though, there wasn’t a trace of the usual anger or irritation Raya was expecting. What was it…maybe sadness?

“Namaari–”

“Raya!” Boun appeared breathing heavily. “There you are!”

“Boun?”

“Your dad wants you to come find him. Something about announcements soon?”

“Right, shoot.” Raya remembered the Kumandran public aid announcements they had planned all week to announce. “I forgot. I’ll meet you there.” Boun nodded and ran off.

Raya turned back to Namaari. “I gotta-” 

But the place where the princess of Fang stood was now empty.

“Go.” Raya finished, feeling her stomach drop slightly. Was that disappointment? She moved her hand to scratch her cheek when she felt something semi-wet, and immediately pulled her finger away to examine it. 

Peanut sauce. 

She internally groaned. Had that been on her face the whole time?

“Raya!” Boun yelled from the balcony above, cupping his hands to his mouth. 

Raya shook herself out of her thoughts and wiped away the remaining sauce. 

“Coming!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of wanted Raya's chapter to be the foil of Namaari's in a way. Where Raya is lighter post-Druun, Namaari is darker, but they both have a mixture of the two underneath...in varying quantities.
> 
> Plus, threw in a dash of suspicion, wholesome father and daughter moments, excitement, anxiety, bad social skills and oblivious gay panic to hopefully give Raya the feel of someone who's just overwhelmed and everywhere.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! And stay safe everyone! <3
> 
> Side note: I don't know why I keep writing General Atitaya in chapters. Someone stop me.
> 
> Quick shoutout to my beta reader. 🥰 You are the dep la to my binturi


	3. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raya and Namaari head for Spine, and Raya has a hard time reconciling things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We collectively agree Namaari is better with children

“All set for Spine?” _Ba_ walked up to her. In the past few weeks, his limp had gotten better and his steps were a bit faster. 

Raya had just finished tying and loading the last of the banana leaf wrapped foods onto the boat. She dusted off her hands and jumped onto land with a soft thud, the boat softly creaking behind her. 

“All set,” she said, nodding once. She looked up at Pengu, who had walked down to the riverbanks with her father. “You’ll watch over him while I’m gone?”

The dragon dipped his head in response.

“Now, who’s the child and who’s the parent?” Her dad joked, pulling her into a hug.

Raya huffed into his shirt. “This was _your_ idea,” she murmured and embraced him tightly back. 

Two weeks had passed since the feast, and as part of the Kumandran aid plan, she and Sisu were to persuade the other lands to formally join Heart and Fang in a treaty conference. The night after the feast, her father told her that Fang had offered help in the form of an emissary to rebuild relations. 

Raya wasn’t exactly crazy about anyone from Fang tailing her around — she had enough of that in her lifetime — but she _did_ prefer only having to deal with one over an entire army. She worked out an unofficial deal with Sisu: they’d take turns keeping watch at night, and in turn, Raya would allow this Fang official person to tag along. 

It was one of the reasons why Raya didn’t want to go at first. That and she was still getting used to the idea that her father was _safe_ , even when out of her sight. Yet at the same time, there was this nagging voice in the back of her mind that reminded her that this new reality was extremely delicate. With each land focusing on internal recovery, the unification process had been slow to start. The longer Heart waited, the more likely the remaining lands would go back to their own, insulated ways. This task was something she had to do.

As if sensing her apprehension, her father stepped back and placed his hands on her shoulders. “I’ll be _okay_. Besides, your old man still has moves.” Raya shook her head and laughed. His expression softened. 

“Seriously, I’ll be okay.” 

Raya managed a small grin. “Alright, _Ba_ ,” she said as her father pulled her into another embrace. “I’ll hold you to it.”

When they pulled apart, he wiped a couple tears from his eyes. “How come no one told me that you grew up?” He gave her a watery smile. 

“You’ll be okay, Dewdrop?” 

Raya felt a tug in her heart. They had been playing catch up as much as they could, in between meetings and clearing rubble during the day, and with long conversations in the evening. While they had fallen back into a somewhat familiar dynamic, there was a chasm six years wide that laid between them. And in that time, Raya had kept her troubles surface level because there was this _urge_ she couldn’t quite explain — one that told her to keep up a strong, independent front for her father. This urge overpowered everything else, including the parts of her that wanted to confide and share her pain. 

She shoved her ruminations to the back of her mind and nodded reassuringly, jabbing her thumb to her chest. “Don’t worry. You’re looking at an expert traveler.”

Her father raised his eyebrows. “You know what I mean.”

She dropped her hand, and her mouth straightened into an attempted smile. “I know.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze. 

Just then, a firework burst in the distance, causing her to jump.

“That must be our Fang emissary arriving,” her father said. They both watched the light plume of smoke fade into the sky.

Raya took a deep breath and braced herself. _Right, Fang._ She exhaled. She knew logically, the former rival of Heart had too much to lose to try anything risky. And because of that, there was a higher chance of everything going smoothly. Another breath. _It’ll be fine._

Just over the horizon, she could make out Sisu flying towards them. Raya squinted and could see her jaw moving nonstop, the sound of her voice getting louder as the dragon got closer. 

“—Oh, and just between you and me: don’t eat the jackfruit jerky. It’s kind of got this weird texture and no taste to it, but everything else should be—”

Raya craned her neck and tuned out the rest, as the mysterious, blurry figure materialized slowly before her. She stopped fidgeting with the hem of her cape and felt her heart rate pick up. Even from afar, there was no mistaking who the other person was. Elegant and purposeful strides, exact posture, and an undercut on top of it all.

Namaari.

She wasn’t expecting the emissary to be _Namaari_ , of all people. But then again, maybe she really should have.

The Fang princess stopped a short distance in front of Raya and her father. Her small smile and wide eyes immediately switched into solemn officiality. Her eyes darted to Raya for a second before refocusing on the chief of Heart. She put her fingertips together and bowed respectfully. 

“It’s an honor,” she said. 

Chief Benja returned the gesture, while Raya stood there, still processing.

“Namaari, welcome. We’re glad you made it safely,” her father said warmly. “Raya’s all set with the boat and everything, so whenever you two are ready.” He nodded to the both of them. He gave Sisu a knowing smile before walking towards the other dragon. “Come on, Pengu. Let’s check on how reconstruction is going.” The dragon dipped his head.

He turned back once more. “Oh, and all three of you,” he continued, gesturing to the two women and Sisu. “Keep each other safe.” 

From the back of the boat a gutteral noise came, and Tuk Tuk popped his head out.

“You too, Tuk Tuk,” Chief Benja added.

Raya managed a nod. He smiled, eyes twinkling, before heading up the hill back to town.

With her father gone, an awkward silence permeated the air. Sisu had already gone to the boat and was testing out the different wooden stools. The two women stood there for a moment.

“Hey,” Namaari said tentatively. 

“Hey,” Raya responded, not noticing that she was staring a little too long and hard. There was a part of her that was almost relieved that it was Namaari, but _that_ observation wasn’t something she wanted to explore nor admit anytime soon. It was confusing.

Namaari motioned to the bag of supplies slung over her shoulder. “Should I…” Her eyes shifted to the boat.

“Oh! Right, yeah.” Raya moved aside, and Namaari hoisted herself onto the boat. Raya followed. 

She untied the boat from the dock and pulled herself on board. She glanced at Namaari, who was setting her belongings down quietly in the back. The other woman’s stony demeanor made it impossible to tell what she was thinking and where they stood with each other. And while her instincts told her that Namaari wasn’t a threat _now,_ she couldn’t exactly forget. 

Raya sighed. Their last conversation wasn’t exactly stellar either, and she herself didn’t know what to think or feel about their relationship yet. 

She cleared her throat. 

“You know,” Raya began, breaking the silence. “I didn’t expect Fang to send someone already so experienced with following me around.” She immediately cringed at her own words, but tried to pass it off as a grin. She wasn’t sure why that came out of her mouth.

Namaari raised her eyebrows. “Right, well. Just so you know, I volunteered.” Namaari’s eyes widened. It was Raya’s turn to raise her eyebrows.

Namaari backtracked quickly. “To help the people. I volunteered to help the people. And with what I can. Not to follow...you, exactly.”

“Right.”

“Well, you’re on the right boat then!” Sisu said excitedly. She pulled Raya and Namaari together with her arm and tail. _Really_ close together. Namaari’s arms were stuck to her own body, and Raya hadn’t noticed that she had stopped breathing.

Sisu nodded to the both of them sagely. “We’re going to rebuild the world.”

They both gave a tiny nod. 

“Oh, and we may _also_ need to rebuild a couple new stools.” 

* * *

It had been a mostly quiet journey to Spine. Sisu had dozed off under the lazy sun and Tuk Tuk joined her after eating most of his way through the fresh dragon fruit they had packed. Raya and Namaari had one debrief meeting where Raya explained the schedule for the next two days. Namaari mostly listened quietly, offering a few words here and there to clarify or ask questions. Other than that, the Fang woman would keep to herself and wander to the back of the boat, preoccupied with her own thoughts.

Not that Raya was watching her...more like, keeping an eye out. 

When they finally landed, Raya and Namaari wordlessly docked and walked up the snowy hill where Chief Nhia was waiting, with Tuk Tuk and Sisu yawning behind. The Spine Chief, Raya noticed, was a solemn looking man, his face chiseled by dignity but marred with experience. He bowed to Sisu and regarded the two women with a short nod.

“Sisudatu. Princess of Heart. Princess of…” He paused a moment to assess Namaari, who knitted her brows but showed no other sign of discomfort. “...Fang.” The Spine chief finished, albeit a bit colder than the first. Though, his grim countenance remained intact. He turned his gaze back to Raya. “Welcome to Spine.”

They both bowed and pressed their hands together in greeting. 

“Thank you, Chief Nhia,” Namaari said first, but the man didn’t seem to hear and kept his gaze fixed on Raya.

“Thank you,” Raya echoed awkwardly. The chief dipped his chin.

“This way.” Chief Nhia motioned through to the entrance. The snow crunched beneath their feet as they continued walking to the chieftain’s meeting house. “I’d have arranged lodging myself, but Tong insisted on taking you three in.” He opened the wooden door and motioned with his head inside. 

“This is the temp meeting house for the time being while we focus on rebuilding the rest of the village,” the Chief stated impassively. Outside was a plate of boiled bamboo shoots for Tuk Tuk. Sisu had gone off to play with the children in the snow, which was in part, a tactic to build community support, but mostly because Sisu wanted to play.

Facing the door, Raya could feel her heart thumping with nervous adrenaline. Before walking in, she grabbed Namaari’s wrist. “I’ll handle the talking,” she said in a low voice, ignoring the warm, tingling sensation spreading beneath her palm. "They might not be exactly warm to Fang yet.” A precaution, Raya reasoned. They couldn’t mess this up. Namaari gave a curt nod.

Inside was an old, splintered bamboo table with long benches on either side. The two of them silently took their seats. A couple of Spine guards stood near the entrance.  
  
The chief settled into his chair. “Let’s get to business.” He clasped his hands on the table in front of himself. “You want a unified Kumandra, yes?”

Namaari deferred to Raya. “Uh, yes.” She cleared her throat and pitched it lower to match his official tone. “I mean, yes. That is the hope.”

The chief watched her for a moment. His stare unnerved her. “And how will we accomplish this?”

Raya straightened. She and her father had gone over the proposals prior. She wasn’t savvy on the minutiae of the execution, but her job was essentially to be the salesman. Get the chiefs to agree to the conference and move on to the next. 

The only issue was that talking wasn’t exactly her forte, but she had to try. For _Ba_. She took a deep breath. _Here goes._

It had been thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of painful, mostly-one-sided conversation, and the chief of Spine looked no more impressed than he did in the beginning — which was to say, not very much.

“And, if you want, um...mangoes, you could get a lot of mangoes imported,” Raya continued, her hopes of a signed treaty dwindling. This was not going well. She should’ve done more mock conversations with her father. “You know because they don’t grow here. And, I’m sure you know, mangoes are great. You can eat them with a spoon.” Chief Nhia raised a brow. 

“Or with your hands,” Raya added unnecessarily. Why did she have to be so bad at this? She wanted nothing more than to disappear. 

Namaari cleared her throat, the first time she had made a sound since the beginning of the meeting. She glanced at Raya, who couldn’t help but gaze back with wide, mortified eyes.

_May I?_

Raya nodded. _Please._

Namaari turned towards the Chief. “What Raya means to say is that we would open up trade, of course, with some regulations. Seeing as the winters are harsh here, we would imagine this to be highly beneficial not just for the rest of Kumandra, but for Spine as well.”

Raya sat, mouth agape as Namaari continued to concisely explain the details and benefits of the plan. Did Namaari rehearse this beforehand?

The Chief seemed to consider this for a bit before nodding, albeit begrudgingly. “Then if I am correct,” he began, “under this new Kumandra, we open up trade again, create a set of universal laws on top of our own, thereby re-establishing the ancient higher court.” Namaari nodded. “On top of that, we allow our people to move freely between lands with no one land or chief having higher authority over the other. Rather for inter-tribe matters, there would be a voting system among the leaders. An official Union of sorts.”

“Right, like a Kumandran Union,” Raya added nervously. Chief Nhia ruminated on this thought before turning to Namaari.

“And what of Fang?”

“Pardon?”

“There are things your land must pay for. We want to know, how do _you_ play into all of this?”

Namaari’s mouth straightened and she creased her brows. “We have a small set of troops that we’re more than happy to deploy to share supplies, protect trade routes or provide medical aid as part of the rebuilding process.” 

The chief’s face contorted. “Our warriors do not need protection. Especially not from the likes of Fang,” he said coldly.

 _Oof._ Raya flinched at his words, although Namaari seemed unfazed.

“I did not mean to suggest that your warriors need our protection,” she said with restraint. “We are fully aware that someone would have to be foolish to try to engage a Spine warrior one on one.”

The chief folded his arms. “How can we trust that Fang doesn’t have an underlying motive? How can we make sure that there’s no poison in the supplies or that your medical aids won’t kill our people?” He leaned in closer, eyes piercing into Namaari. “How can we trust _you?_ ”

Raya felt a hot, prickling sensation run from her head down her back and a pit growing in her stomach. While she understood where the man was coming from, his hypocrisy was apparent. She hadn’t exactly forgotten the chief’s own complicity in the falling of Kumandra.

Raya opened her mouth to speak, but Namaari beat her to it. “Fang has nothing to gain from sabotaging other clans.” She paused. “I recognize that our past makes it hard to do, but we are willing to work hard in order to earn that trust.”

Chief Nhia pursed his lips and then turned to Raya. “I understand Heart was the first to accept this aid from Fang?”

Raya closed her mouth and nodded. 

“And what were the results?”

“We’ve found that Fang’s aid has been nothing but beneficial to the rebuilding of Heart. In fact, it’s really sped up the process,” Raya offered. It was well known now that Fang _was_ the most medically and technologically advanced of the five nations. And Raya knew that Heart’s own progress was in part due to their former enemy’s help.

The chief leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. He motioned his head to one of the Spine warriors on stand-by and whispered something Raya couldn’t parse out. The warrior left the room. Her heart was racing. She glanced at Namaari, who was clenching her jaw. Had they done it? Chances were, they had messed it up, in which case, she had to figure out what to tell _Ba_ and Sisu. But a part of her still hoped.

After a few minutes, the warrior returned and whispered into Chief Nhia’s ear. He cleared his throat.

“This conference…” The chief began. The two women held their breaths. “Spine will join. With caveats of course.”

Raya broke into a grin and Namaari let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

“You did it!” Sisu yelled, throwing snow up into the air. 

Tong clapped Raya on the back. “I had faith in you. I knew you could get through his tough bones.” Tong met the trio outside of the meeting room and walked them to his home.

“Actually,” Raya admitted, “Namaari was the one who saved us back there.” Sisu beamed at the Fang Princess and Tong patted her on the shoulder. 

Namaari, who had been deep in thought most of the way, looked surprised at the contact. Upon seeing Tong and Sisu’s proud faces, she tucked her hair back. “No, I wouldn’t say that.” She looked at Raya, the corners of her lips turning upwards just a bit. Raya felt a weird bump in her chest and darted her eyes elsewhere.

When they arrived, Tong pushed open the door with his hand, and a baby came running up to them from inside.

“Come here, ya little booger!” Sisu grinned and held out her arms. The baby started crying.

“Aha,” Tong chuckled, scooping up his baby. “Don’t worry. He’s probably not used to your smell.”

Sisu shot him a look. “Thanks.”

“Come in! Come in!” Tong’s wife ushered them in. Raya and Namaari bowed, but while Raya had already taken off her shoes, hat, and cape inside, Namaari remained awkwardly just outside the door, rubbing her arms.

Tong meandered to the door, baby in arm, and with his other hand, clapped Namaari’s back, the force pushing her through the door. “You’re going to catch a cold if you just stay out there,” Tong joked. He smiled at her. “It’s going to be fine.”

“Thank you.” Namaari stepped off to the side and took off her shoes. She stood in the corner, hands clasped in front. Raya had a hard time reconciling this Namaari with the one that had chased her throughout Kumandra. That Namaari was fierce, anger-prone, and sure-footed. This Namaari seemed to want to make herself the smallest thing in the room.

Just then, Tong’s baby stopped crying. He gazed at Namaari and tilted his head. 

“Looks like he likes you,” Tong’s wife said, wiping her hands on a towel. She nodded encouragingly at Namaari. “Go on.”

Namaari hesitantly turned to the baby, crouched and gave a little wave, a soft grin appearing on her face.

“Hi there,” she said softly. The baby smiled.

Raya watched, perplexed. She recounted her first interaction with baby Noi, and it certainly wasn’t like this. Granted, Noi _wasn’t_ a typical baby and _was_ a professional con artist. She tilted her head. 

Tong and his wife looked amused while Sisu had a warm expression on her face.

“Usually, I’d be insulted, but this,” Sisu murmured to Raya, nudging her out of her thoughts. She motioned to the Spine family and their Fang guest. “This is why we’re here.”

Raya couldn’t help but nod, the corners of her lips upturning a bit. “Yeah,” she breathed. “I guess it is.”

After a meal of chicken soup with bamboo shoots, Raya, Namaari, and Sisu went out to help with Spine’s reconstruction. Namaari volunteered to work on the front entrance barrier while Raya and Sisu were assigned to lug bamboo stalks from the forest to the village.

“How many is that?” Sisu said, resting her head on Tuk Tuk’s shell.

Raya grunted in response, and with a final swing, hacked the last tree down for the day. She huffed. “Eight, maybe?” She sheathed her sword and dusted her hands. “I think we’re good.” Sisu moved to help Raya lift the tree onto Tuk Tuk’s back.

“I got this.” Raya said, hoisting the tree up one end, staggering a bit with its height. 

Sisu shook her head and raised an eyebrow. She wrapped her tail around the top of the bamboo. “When will you learn that it’s like, one hundred times easier when you let other people help?” She brought the bamboo down to lean on Tuk Tuk’s back before dragging it on top. Tuk Tuk grunted at the contact.

“See? Was that so hard?”

Raya patted Tuk Tuk’s shell and sighed. “I know, Sisu. I’m _trying_. It’s just… you get used to just doing things on your own for so long and-” She thought back to the meeting with Chief Nhia and grimaced.

“And?” Sisu plopped down beside her.

“I know I should rely on others more.” Raya tried picking snow off her cape, but the flakes kept melting in between her fingers. She frowned. “Like the meeting with the Spine Chief.”

“I thought it went well?”

Raya nodded. “It did! It did.” She bit her lip in frustration. “I was pretty terrible. And if it wasn’t for Namaari, we wouldn’t have gotten that signature. _Ba_ entrusted me with this one job, and I couldn’t even do it.”

“I mean don’t get me wrong,” Raya continued, throwing up her hands in front of her. “I’m glad we got it at the end of the day. It’s just I’m supposed to be _capable_ with or without someone there. I should’ve been able to do it myself.” 

“Ah,” Sisu replied. She shifted closer and patted Raya’s head. “Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. You don’t have to get it right the first time.”

Sisu waved her paw. “Besides, you’ve spent six years of your life rolling solo. You worked hard to _not_ continue that reality. I mean, you could. I don’t think that’d be fun though. A lifetime of isolation, that jerky...” Sisu shivered.

Raya rolled her eyes at that last bit. 

Sisu gazed at her intently. “What I’m saying is, when you realize you’re _not_ alone, the world becomes that much easier to bear.”

Raya sighed and patted Sisu’s elbow. “Thanks, Sisu.”

“Anytime. Just remember that the first step is trust. And without-”

Raya tuned out the rest because in that moment, she caught a glimpse of a lone figure trekking through the forest, in the opposite direction of the village. Raya craned her neck and squinted her eyes. She could make out the colors tan, white, and red. 

Namaari. What was she doing out alone in the forest? 

“-I mean it’s really like, a baby step of a baby step-”

“You guys go on ahead.” Raya interrupted, waving a hand at them. She kept her eyes fixed on the direction Namaari headed towards. “I think I saw someone I needed to talk to, and I don’t want to keep you guys from heading back. They must be waiting.”

Sisu glanced at Tuk Tuk. “She wasn’t listening was she?”

Tuk Tuk groaned and shook his head. Sisu looked around. “Are they far? I don’t see them.”

“Yeah, yeah. I saw them walk towards the docks,” Raya lied. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

Sisu eyed her skeptically. “Alright, fine. But I’m coming for your butt if I don’t see you back in the village in thirty minutes.” Raya nodded absentmindedly. Sisu motioned to Tuk Tuk, “Come on, big guy.”

When they were a safe distance away, Raya started to lightly jog west, following Namaari’s footprints in the snow. Wherever she was going, she was doing a poor job of hiding her tracks, which was not like Namaari. Raya kept her eyes peeled for any sign of the princess, nervous adrenaline rising in her body. 

About three minutes in, the footprints stopped at the stub of a recently chopped bamboo tree. Raya frowned. _Huh. Weird._

She bent down to inspect the stub and the footprints heading northeast from it. There were no drag marks in the snow, so the tree must have been pretty small or cut down earlier that day. She wiped her nose and got up, dusting off the snow from her pants. What was Namaari up to? Her project shouldn’t have involved going into the forest, and even if it did, Raya doubted a small stalk of bamboo would’ve been of much use for her project.

Raya followed the footprints guiding her back to the village. She weaved through the crowd, mind singularly focused on finding the Fang Princess. She shoved the voice reminding her that this was the complete _opposite_ of what she was supposed to be working on to the back of her mind. The trust exercises could wait until tomorrow.

She stood in the middle of the square, unable to discern which footprints were Namaari’s amongst the myriad in the snow. As she scanned the village _,_ Raya saw a flash of red and white again, this time, entering Tong’s residence. Curiosity and anxiety pulled Raya like a magnet, and she found herself rushing to Tong’s home. Her mind raced faster than her feet could carry as she stumbled up the steps and burst through the door.

“Namaari!”

Inside was Tong’s family and Namaari, who was crouching near the crib with a crude, makeshift bamboo toy boat in her hand. Everyone stared at Raya with surprise.

Namaari raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Raya froze, mouth still hanging ajar from her exclamation. Her eyes darted around the room.

“Goodness, Raya. That was quite an entrance you made there,” Tong’s wife said after recovering. She laughed nervously. Tong simply nodded. 

Raya felt the heat rise to her face. “Um, well, I-”

The baby started to cry. Raya flinched. _Shit. Great._

Tong started moving towards the baby, but Namaari had already begun moving the boat up and down in the air. 

“Come on, look at the boat,” Namaari encouraged softly. The baby’s sniffles were getting softer. She swooped her hand down and popped it back up. The baby began to giggle. “There you go.”

Raya watched the scene with a mixture of embarrassment, shame, regret, and...intrigue? Admiration? No, she couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but there was a gentleness in the other woman’s features Raya had never seen, and for some reason, it mesmerized her. This couldn’t be the same Namaari that gut punched her one month ago.

“He’s never going to let go of that toy that you’ve made,” Tong chuckled. “And we’re never going to throw it away. It works too well.”

Tong’s wife bobbed her head. “It’ll give us hours of sleep back.”

Namaari handed the boat over to the baby, stood up, and grinned shyly. “It’s no problem, really.” She turned to face Raya, her mouth straightening into a line. Raya had only vaguely registered the shift in tone because her brain was still processing the scene in front of her. “You wanted to see me?”

Raya gulped, heat shooting up her body again, albeit for a different reason this time. She hated how irritated the heat made her feel. “No...I’m...hungry really. Wanted to see if you were...hungry.” She pulled at her cape’s collar. “Anybody else hot in here?”

Namaari stared at her with a bemused expression on her face.

Tong shook his head and chuckled. He clapped Raya and Namaari on the back and put his arms around their shoulders. “Well, if you’re hungry, Spine’s having our first, very own celebration feast tonight. It’ll be,” he crushed his hands together, “spectacular.”

Raya swallowed. Namaari stared back at her, but her gaze was indiscernible. 

“Well, as spectacular as it can be right now.” Tong laughed heartily. “We hope you like bamboo.”

* * *

Raya closed the door to their guest house behind her. The faint noises of the last remaining stragglers of the night faded, and she stretched, twisting left to crack her back which rewarded her with several nice pops. _Oo, that was a good one,_ she thought to herself, satisfied. 

Most of the villagers had gone to bed after the feast. Tong’s wife kept telling her to eat, and Raya couldn’t say no (she decided to cautiously set aside her paranoia for the night to make up for her behavior earlier). Though, with the amount she was eating weekly, she should’ve maybe curbed it a bit. She patted her round stomach. Tomorrow she’d start training again.

Raya took off her shoes and headed to bed. She had about 30 minutes of solid shut-eye before Sisu walked in to sleep. Then it was her turn to keep watch for three hours. She took off her cape, folded it, and set it aside by the mat. Spine had a shortage of beds at the moment, and Raya was more than okay with her sleeping situation — she slept on worse before.

The moment her head hit the pillow, she felt the heaviness of her eyelids gradually pull her into a deep slumber. The soreness of her body slowly faded away, and Raya felt a smile form on her face. She needed this.

_Thump._

Or not. Raya’s eyes flew open and she sat straight up, eyes darting around the room searching for the source of the sound. Had she imagined it? 

_Thump._

There it was again. Raya jerked her head up towards the roof. It had come from above. 

Raya picked up her sword and put on her shoes. She placed her ear against the door and listened, before pushing it open gently. A faint rustle came from above. Raya’s pulse quickened, and she deftly slipped out of the door. She quietly surveyed the perimeter of the house, before finding a foothold and pushing herself up on the roof. Raya gripped her sword. There was a person sitting just above the door and facing the moon. 

She slowly approached the figure who turned to face her. “Namaari?” 

“Raya,” Namaari said, staring back at her with wide eyes before recovering. Her posture was defensive, as if she was ready to flee at any moment.

“What are you doing up here?” Raya asked. “I thought you were still at the celebration maybe.” Although, now that she thought about it, Raya hadn’t seen Namaari all night. 

Namaari turned back toward the sky, facing away from Raya. “Parties aren’t really my thing,” she stated. Something about the tone of her voice piqued Raya’s interest. She sheathed her sword and took a step closer.

“So you were here the whole night?”

“Look, Raya,” Namaari let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m not here to kill you or sabotage you. I...wanted to find a place where I could be alone.” There was a hint of familiar irritation in her voice — something that reminded Raya of the Namaari she knew — but there was also a tiredness, an almost defeated quality to it. 

Raya put her hands up. “I heard a noise, so I came checking,” she said, quieter than she had meant. “I’ll get going.”

Namaari let out a breath. “I know you followed me in the forest,” she said. Raya froze and felt the heat rush to her face. _Of course_. She wasn’t exactly being subtle.

“I-” she began. “I can explain.” 

Namaari shook her head, still facing away. “No.” Her voice was quiet. “It’s alright.”

Raya frowned and sighed. Today’s suspicions had been merely projections, and Raya found herself in uncharted territory. “No, Namaari. It wasn’t,” she managed. “I convinced myself you were up to something when you...weren’t. You were making something for Tong’s family.” 

Namaari huffed out air through her nose. “I don’t blame you. The last time you remember me giving a gift-” A pause. “-The whole world fell into pieces.” Her voice was steady. “I don’t blame you or the people here,” she repeated. 

“Well, you have a point there,” Raya tried joking. Namaari stayed silent. _Maybe that wasn’t such a great line_ , Raya thought to herself, but it was true. She walked close enough so that she could see the other woman’s eyes were closed. She wasn’t sure what compelled her to move forward, but it somehow felt like the right timing, and she slowly sat down next to Namaari, careful not to scare her away. “Look, I have things I need to work on too. But, you-you did good today,” she admitted.

“Huh,” Namaari let out a half-suppressed laugh. She shook her head. It was silent. She drew her knees up to her chest. Raya looked down at her own hands and began to pick at the callouses. They stayed like that for a moment. The cold air seemed to weigh down on them.

“That day,” Namaari whispered. Raya held her breath. “I didn’t mean for any of the things to happen the way they did.” She paused. “We believed that if we had the gem, that would’ve solved everything. No more starvation. No more death. No more sickness.”

Raya stayed silent. 

“I wanted to hate you,” Namaari continued. “And leading up to it and even after, I couldn’t understand _why_ we couldn’t have just taken turns guarding it. Why Heart could thrive while the rest of us couldn’t. I wanted to hate you. But I-” she bit her lip and shook her head.

They were quiet. At the memory, Raya felt a swirl of emotions inside her. Old feelings of betrayal and distrust swirling with new ones of...sympathy, longing? It confused her, and tempered with the old anger that was easier to digest.

“Why?” Raya asked quietly, the pressure in her chest steadily rising from all the years of having questions she never got answered. 

“Why?” Namaari questioned back.

“Why everything. Why’d you leave everyone else to fend for themselves for six years? Why did you want to take Sisu and the gem for yourself?” As Raya started listing off the questions she had desperately wanted answered over the years, she felt a familiar frustration rise. “Why didn’t you ever try figuring out a way to fix things when you could? Why’d you just chase me all those years?” She let out a weighted breath. 

Namaari’s face contorted as if in pain. “I wanted to fix it.” Her volume was louder. “All of the things I did, I thought I was doing to protect my people.”

“As for the gem and Sisu. We wanted to undo what we did, but we knew once everyone came back, they’d come after us and we needed leverage.”

“So you wanted to look like the heroes?” Raya laughed incredulously. “To have an easy way out and save your own asses?”

Namaari shut her eyes, and exhaled through her nose. “I don’t have excuses for what we did — what _I_ did. It was selfish and desperate.” 

Raya snorted in response.

“A lot of people lost years because of me. A lot of people died because of me. For so long, I was in denial that this was all real.” Namaari clenched her fist to her heart and grimaced. “And in here, there was guilt and anger, because I blamed me and everyone blamed me. And _all_ of that, even now, stays with me.”

“So you want me to pity you?” 

“No!” Namaari said with force, eyebrows furrowing together. “I’m not a fool to ask for forgiveness or pity from anyone, especially not from you. I wouldn’t ask that.” Her voice wavered. A pause. “The world was in shambles, and I couldn’t piece it together. When I was chasing you, there was direction. Some days it was the hope of-” she shut her eyes once more and seemed to push out the words from the back of her throat, “-forgiveness. Other days, it was the hope that if I found you, I’d have some sort of answer that made _sense_.“

“Why me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why not work with the other clans?” Raya felt exhausted.  
  
Namaari sighed. “Everything became insular. There were talks at some point, but Tail went silent. Then Spine. And I had only guesses where _you_ were from time to time.”

 _Pretty good guesses,_ Raya thought, remembering how over the years, the Fang Princess would always end up tracking her down somehow, and Raya would just narrowly slip through her fingers — a cat and mouse game they played for years.

“Well then, what _do_ you want, Namaari?” Raya said. She was getting too tired and numb from the cold to feel much anymore. 

“I-” Namaari shut her eyes once more and hung her head down between her knees. “I don’t know.” She held her head. “I don’t know.”

Even though a part of Raya still wanted to remain angry at the woman in front of her, there was an undeniable rawness and vulnerability in her voice. A heartbreaking honesty that deep down — even though she didn’t want to admit it — Raya could understand too. Years of loneliness, anger, self-loathing, and longing all clinging on to a single, vague thread of hope. It all swelled up inside her again, the urge to share the pain she knew constricting in her chest and waiting for release.

But before anything came out, she sighed. Raya looked down at her hands and clasped them together in her lap. Frustration cooled into ambivalence and silence settled upon them once more, like a heavy, weighted blanket. The moon was bright and full, and the snowflakes continued to gently drift in the sky. Everything was still.

“You’re not the only _binturi_ that broke the world,” Raya finally said. Namaari looked up at her in bewilderment. “Look, I don’t really know how to feel about you yet.” Raya motioned to the world in front of them. “But you did help bring this back. And I-I think that counts for something.” 

Namaari lowered her chin, but the look on her face remained unconvinced.

“Plus, you may not have been a hit with Chief Nhia, but you _did_ get him to sign,” she said, more to herself than anyone. “And Tong’s baby seems to love you.” She shrugged and smiled faintly, thinking back to her own very different experience with baby Noi. 

Namaari scoffed. “Babies aren’t aware enough of the world to make that judgment call. They trust everyone.”

“Hm,” Raya replied in amusement. “Yeah, I suppose they do.” She propped her chin on her knee and let out a breath. A puff of cold air drifted off into the night. They sat for a few minutes, staring off into the moon.

“Raya.”

“Hm?” Raya felt her lids droop. Her mind was finally registering how tired her body was.

“I-” Namaari hesitated. “I wanted to say-”

“Raya?”

Namaari’s voice faded into a gentle echo as Raya found herself unable to fight the warm embrace of slumber any longer and let it take her. 

_I am too_ , Raya thought randomly, the world disappearing around her. _I am too._ And then, it was darkness.

When she had finally woken up, she didn’t remember how she got to her bed or when she put the extra blanket on top of herself. But there wasn’t much time to figure out the events after last night because Tong threw open the door, bright light shining offensively in her eyes.

Sisu, who had also been sleeping on the other side of the room, yelped in surprise. “I’m not dressed!” She looked down at her dragon form. “Oh, wait. Righhhhht.” She finger gunned Tong, who stood there panting heavily. “You’re good.”

Raya shielded the light with her arms and peeked at Tong through the gaps. His hair was mussed. “Tong? Is everything alright?”

“Fang.” He motioned with his hands. “Virana.”

Raya shot up immediately. “What about Fang and Virana?” She started putting on her shoes, cape, and sword when Tong spoke again-

“A messenger came in today. And Namaari,” he paused to catch a breath, “she just left.”

“What? Why?”

Tong grabbed Raya’s shoulder. “I came running as fast as I could.”

“Tong.” Raya’s hairs were standing up.

“Chief Virana. She’s been poisoned.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun o.o Finally, some action in the works. 
> 
> First of all, I want to apologize for the late chapter. 😭 I know I had said Monday/Thursday, but I ended up rewriting a lot of this chapter last night. I think updates will be a bit more sporadic than that from here on out, only because of work I have and the fact that I really want to make sure these chapters are fleshed out. I realized how much more nuance I want to add to the characters to make them feel organic, and hopefully, it'll come through. I apologize in advance for the slower updates 😔I guess the flip side of this is, I planned out an extra chapter during my reorg of everything! So hopefully that's some better news :)
> 
> Second, I want to thank everyone for the kudos and incredibly sweet comments on here. It makes my heart really warm and drives me to make the best content I can for you guys. 
> 
> I can't wait to show you guys chapter four, but you best believe it'll go through 100 edits first. I hope y'all will bear with me.
> 
> As always, stay safe everyone! <3


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